No One Loves Me
by Kitsune Kitten
Summary: Poor Honda feels unloved. So what happens when he gets a make-over? A romantic comedy full of YAOI. YY RB MM SJ OH
1. That's Not The Point

RKG: I'm getting swamped, and yet.... I keep getting good ideas. Why must I be a genius?  
  
YRKG: Back in Egypt you were smart if you could read.  
  
RKG: I can read, write and say thank you in four different languages!  
  
YRKG: Fascinating. No... really. (SARCASM.)  
  
Disclaimer: My last name si not Takahashi and if it were, well I'd probably be a lot older, rolling in many, adored by many, and not writing a FAN FIC!  
  
No One Loves Me  
  
Chapter One That's Not the Point  
  
Honda POV  
  
It's not fair. Really, it isn't. My hair comes to a point. Well, that's just what happens. Sure, Yami's hair points in eighteen different directions and is three different colors, yet he's adored. One point and I'm the most un-hot bishounen out there. It's a sad, sad life.  
  
Of course, I'm NOT complaining. Please note sarcasm. (A/N: Sarcasm noted.)  
  
No, I was Jounouchi's best friend and one puzzle piece later; I'm reduced to a meager cheerleader. Forget that I saved the three main characters and my nephew for Yugi and friends. Of course, I'm not important.  
  
Forget that I found Jou after he was beat up by the Rare Hunters.  
  
Forget that I have given piggybacks to any injured cast member. Gramps (does he eat an entire grocery store a day or what?), Bakura, and Mokuba to begin with. But do I get any credit? NO!  
  
Just because I'm not a trend-follower and play Duel Monsters, doesn't mean I'm not cool! Okay, maybe I'm not a trend-setter but conformity *****.  
  
So, anyway, the point is that my hair doesn't look right down. So, I spike it. But that's not the point I'm trying to make. The point is that I'm going to visit one of my many unseen relatives in America to get a make over. My cousin's sister by her stepdad's friend goes to a beauty school. So, she agreed to help in my quest to become a hot sexy bishounen. Like Jou, Yugi, Bakura, Marik, Seto, etc.  
  
So now, I'm headed to America for a week. Yes! And when I return, bish-a- fied, I'll be the star of many yaoi couples!  
  
~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~**~~*~*  
  
One Week Later  
  
Yugi POV  
  
"So, you're coming home... tomorrow?" I asked Honda on the other line.  
  
"Yep... And I want Jou to be at the airport. I want my best friend to see how I look first." Honda replied.  
  
"Oh.... Can I go too? Or is it personal?" I asked.  
  
"Bring the whole group!" Honda... 'chirped' would describe it best.  
  
"Okay, I gotta go. Long distance you know. Gramps is signaling now. I really have to go. Oh! What flight and time!"  
  
"Maybe I should just zip over there after I get off at three thirty P.M.?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll get a party together. Um... pretend you don't know!"  
  
"Okay! Bye, Yug'."  
  
I hung up the phone. Yami looked at me from the door way. Since we had learned to separate, Yami and I had gotten together. Shoot, that was only five days ago! Honda doesn't know. Heh, heh. Oops!  
  
"Who was that?" he asked. Apparently, he had just taken a shower because he was only in a towel. Prompt drooling.... Here.  
  
"Honda. He's coming back tomorrow. And we're gonna have a party for him!"  
  
"Good thing Gramps is gone. Where is he again?"  
  
"Uh... Plot loop hole?"  
  
"Works for me." Yami replied. "You call our friends. I'll pick up the booze."  
  
"I don't think so. We'll shop tomorrow. 'Kay?"  
  
"I want ice cream."  
  
"Let me make my phone calls."  
  
Jou POV  
  
I am bored. I've been sitting in the apartment for the past week. Since Yugi and Yami ahd hooked up and Honda left, I'm all ... alone. Sigh.  
  
RING! RING!  
  
Golly gee! The phone!  
  
"Moshi, moshi?"  
  
"Hey, there." It sounded like a little kid. Yugi, no doubt.  
  
"Hello, Yug'. What's up? And no, I'm not into threesomes."  
  
"Darn. Anyhow, we're having a party tomorrow. We want you to come."  
  
"Um... why?"  
  
"Honda's coming home at like three thirty! So we're gonna ... surprise him..."  
  
"You told him didn't you?"  
  
"Uh... no. Anyhow, come and wear something nice. He said he got a make over so..."  
  
"He's gay, doo?"  
  
"I don't know yet. We'll see. I gotta go. Yami started sucking on my neck again so..."  
  
"Bye!"  
  
Insert skipping happy dance!  
  
Otogi POV  
  
I love my hair. It's so sexy. I mean, Honda's got rotten luck. His has to be a point. No disagreement there. If he could just have different hair... Oh well.  
  
RING! RING!  
  
I let the answering machine pick it up. Who knows how many fangirls call me? I tried to keep count once. But in one hour I lost count.  
  
"This is the home of Otogi Ryuji. Please leave your name, number, date, and a short message. I will return your call unless you're a fangirl."  
  
BEEP.  
  
"Moshi, Moshi. Otogi, it's Yugi. Honda's coming—"  
  
"Hello, this is Otogi."  
  
"I got that. Honda's coming home tomorrow. I was wondering—"  
  
"Where did he go?"  
  
"America."  
  
"Holy dice of dungeons. I didn't know."  
  
"Holy what? Never mind. He's gonna be here. Be at my house by three. We're gonna party."  
  
"Any... girls?"  
  
"No, it's an all-boys party."  
  
"You're lame, Yugi. That's sounds little kiddish."  
  
"No, I'm just in a yaoi couple. Please, there's a BIG difference."  
  
"I have to go stare in the mirror for hours. (A/N: I don't wanna see like Otogi is a dunce, but everyone's OOC.) Love ya, see ya, bye now."  
  
Love ya, see ya, bye now is my closing for every phone call. I do not love Yugi. He's got Yami for that.  
  
Sigh, I do miss him. Wonder how he's doing.  
  
Seto POV  
  
I was typing on my laptop for the sixteenth straight hour when...  
  
RING! RING!  
  
"Seto Kaiba."  
  
"Moshi, Moshi. It's Yugi."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Can you come to my house tomorrow? Around... um... three or so?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Please?"  
  
"Fine. I have to work."  
  
I slammed the phone down. What the heck was going on so he wouldn't tell me what's going on? Click, click.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
RING, RING!  
  
"Bakura, get your mouth off my neck. Someone's calling."  
  
Bakura and I were involved in a make out session on the couch. I tried to push him off me, but he just grabbed the phone from the table and hit the on button. He shoved it in my ... hand and went back to my neck.  
  
"Moshi, moshi?" I greeted.  
  
"Hey, Ryou. How's it going with Bakura." Yugi teased.  
  
"Um..." I moaned, "Good. Is there a point? I'm in the middle of... uh... my neck is..."  
  
"Party, three P.M., my house. Honda's coming home."  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"Yep!" Yugi replied.  
  
"Gotta... moan... go." I said, hanging up.  
  
Malik POV  
  
I was putting a dead squirrel in the blender when...  
  
KNOCK, KNOCK! (A/N: Gotcha there.)  
  
"Coming!" I screamed. My yami peeked at the door from the couch. He is a couch potato. But all boyfriends have faults.  
  
I opened the door... and slammed it shut again.  
  
"Oh, open up!" Yami screamed.  
  
"What do you want pharaoh?" I yelled back.  
  
"Yugi wants to invite you over tomorrow at three for a party."  
  
"I'll bring the beer." My yami suggested.  
  
"Thank Ra. Yugi wouldn't let me bring beer." Yami whined.  
  
"We see who's dominant now." I teased.  
  
Honda POV  
  
(Next Day, um, 3:00 P.M.)  
  
I'm glad to be at the airport. Domino is only a half an hour away. And boy, did I look good. Based on the amount of numbers I have in my pocket, I'd say the make over was successful.  
  
I went to my motorbike and strapped on the helmet. I drove it ot the ticket collector. I pulled out forty bucks.  
  
The ticket collector looked me over.  
  
"Hey, handsome," the woman purred. "Just go, I'm sure no one will mind."  
  
"But you'll get fired."  
  
"No one would fire Mai Valentine!" The woman said. I looked at her closely. It was Mai!  
  
"It's good to see an old friend!" I cheered.  
  
"My, god, Honda? Is that you?"  
  
"Yep. Do I look okay?"  
  
"I'm jealous you look so good. Now, go on. Yugi's expecting you."  
  
Fast forward to arrival at Yugi's house.  
  
I walked up the stairs and knocked on the door at three thirty.  
  
Yugi opened the door & . . .  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
RKG: That only took like twenty minutes to type. 


	2. I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt

RKG: Yes, well, it's so hard to stick to just one fic, so I'll just write this little ficlet to get my brain storming for Price of Pride. It's rather hard to get the right mix of romance, humor and angst. I should get paid.  
  
YKG: And I would get half.  
  
RKG: That's no fair.  
  
YKG: I do most of Price of Pride.  
  
RKG: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!  
  
No One Loves Me  
  
Chapter Two I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt  
  
Recap  
  
Yugi opened the door &...  
  
Honda POV  
  
I hope I look okay. Man, I know Mai just complimented me, and I had gotten over a hundred (174, I counted; yes, I am a dork) numbers, but Yugi...  
  
Yugi had just kinda... stopped. And stared. Drooling. Is drooling good?  
  
"Um... hi, Yugi. What's up?"  
  
"Nothing. You look... wow."  
  
Wow? Now that has to be good.  
  
"Guys, he's here!" Yugi called opening the door fully.  
  
I saw into the living room. Some sites were pleasanter than others. Hey! Pleasanter is a word! Malik and Marik were making out against a wall. (Not so pleasant as tongues could be seen.) Ryou and Bakura were also making out, but Ryou was trying to push Bakura off him to say hi (I think.)  
  
Jou was arguing with Kaiba (who saw that coming.) But that was normal so it was all-good. Otogi and Yami seemed to be talking about hair-care products.  
  
But that all stopped when Yugi opened the door. Well, all except Marik and Malik, but that was to be expected. Even Seto stopped. Yep, I looked... wow.  
  
I had my hair died a dark brown with red highlights that kinda glint in sunlight. Fortunately, there was an open window. Not only was it died, I got extensions so I could tie my hair in a ponytail. Move over, Otogi. I had tanned just slightly giving my skin a more refined brownish skin color.  
  
I had a brand-new wardrobe (which, mind you, cost a pretty penny). Today's outfit, tight leather pants, black, of course, (A/N: I dedicate the pants to my dear Hioga-chan and her left elbow.) a fishnet shirt, and for public decency a tank top underneath. Oh, it was ripped and black too. But the best part was the pants, because a Chinese red, orange, green, and gold dragon went up my left, head at the top, the very tips hitting my waistband. Oh, I know I looked sexy now.  
  
"Uh... Hi, I'm back." I said.  
  
Insert tumbleweed rolling across the scene.  
  
"I missed you guys in America. They're so weird over there."  
  
Malik looked away from Marik for a second.  
  
"HOLY TEMPLE OF RA! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" Malik screamed.  
  
"Do I look bad?" I asked, nervously.  
  
"You look amazing, Honda. Really!" Otogi cried.  
  
"Are you sure this is Honda, Yug'? Honda wasn't this good-looking before?" said Ryou.  
  
Oh, that was ever so tactful.  
  
"What happened, Honda?" asked Jounouchi.  
  
"You got me out of work for this? Thanks, Yugi." Seto said.  
  
OH, yeah! Seto was happy to be out of work for me! =^-^=  
  
"Um.... Can I come in, Yugi?" I asked nervously.  
  
"Of course. Want something to drink?" Yugi asked, as if nothing had happened.  
  
"Sprite Remix!" I chirped. New favorite drink!  
  
"You never liked that before, Hon'." Said Jou. Wow! He noticed.  
  
"Come sit down, Honda," purred Otogi. "There's a seat next to me. Yami, move your a—"  
  
"You can't do that to me! I was pharaoh!" Yami cried.  
  
"Yugi's alone... in the kitchen... where no one else is... unsuspecting..." Otogi hinted.  
  
"Excuse me, I have to uh... make sure Yugi's in ... no harm..." Yami lied.  
  
"He's one bad liar." I said, sitting down. Otogi moved a little closer.  
  
"Yes, he is. So did you miss me? I missed you. You never told me you were leaving. I was hoping you would call me or something."  
  
"Why didn't you call me?" I asked.  
  
"I was nervous. I didn't think you'd remember me." Otogi said.  
  
Jou POV  
  
Oh, so is that how it's gonna be? My best friend and Otogi can just move on in. I think not. I'm not gonna let that happen.  
  
"Hey, Honda. You know, I called your house. Your mom said you were gone." I said.  
  
"Katsuya, you don't own a phone." Honda replied. "You told me that your dad smashed it because it woke him up."  
  
"I used a payphone." Jou said.  
  
"Oh. I thought no one would miss me." Honda said, looking down.  
  
I sat on the couch on Honda's other side. I could see Otogi fuming.  
  
"I missed you," I whispered in his ear. "I was all alone since Yugi and Yami were too busy for me. They just dropped me like I was nothing."  
  
"Kinda like the way you dropped him," Otogi reminded, "when you became Yugi's friend."  
  
"Hey, that was different," I said. "I was a duelist. So was Yug'. We had a common interest."  
  
"That's true," Honda said slowly.  
  
"I never dropped you," Otogi said in his ear. Honda looked at Otogi.  
  
SOS! Friend overboard. I need attention. I am so DEPRIVED.  
  
"I didn't either," I whispered in his ear, "I just got a second friend."  
  
Honda looked at me. He looked confused.  
  
"Neither of you acted like this before," he said slowly.  
  
"Yes, I did," Otogi replied, "Jou just never noticed."  
  
"Neither did Honda!" I cried. Not fair, not fair, not fair! "Listen, buddy, we've been friends for so loooooooooong. We're not gonna be split up by Otogi? Are we?"  
  
"No!" Honda exclaimed. "We'll always be best friends."  
  
"Gimme a hug!" I exclaimed.  
  
Honda wrapped his arms around me. Aw, how cute! Otogi's face is red and metaphoric steam is coming out his ears.  
  
"You know, Honda. I could never be your best friend. I'll always... sniff, sniff... be ... (dramatic pause)... alone." Otogi said, depressed.  
  
Penalty shot! That's foul play.  
  
Otogi POV  
  
Oh, so when I start to flirt with Honda, Jou thinks Honda is worth having. What was up? Didn't he know I was flirting when we 'fought' over Shizuka? Oh, puh-lease.  
  
Now, Honda is sitting there, holding Jou. I fumed. //Hm, how can I get Honda's attention? Oh, wait. I know, once he told me that what he hated most was loneliness. I'm lonely!//  
  
"You know Honda. I could never be your best friend. I'll always... sniff, sniff... be ... (dramatic pause)... alone." I said, looking at the floor.  
  
Honda whipped towards me. I looked at him and saw pain in his eyes.  
  
"Hey, we'll always be friends." Honda said, rubbing my back soothingly. BINGO!  
  
"Promise?" I said, looking at him with tears in my eyes. The thought of no more Honda was sad.  
  
"I promise." He said, giving me a gorgeous smile. //Don't faint.// I thought.  
  
"You're such a great person, Honda," I said.  
  
"Thanks. No one really noticed before," he said, looking pointedly at Jou.  
  
"You know what?" Jou said, "I think Moneybags is too quiet for his own good. Maybe you should cheer him up, Honda. I'll go help with the drinks. C'mon Otogi."  
  
I looked up at Jou confused. Honda got up and went to talk to the CEO of Kaiba Corp. Jou pulled me into the kitchen.  
  
Seto POV  
  
Wow, Honda changed. This was amusing. Jou and Otogi fighting over him, and they couldn't tell Honda couldn't tell.  
  
"Seto, you've been awful quiet. Sorry, you couldn't be at work. I know it must be pretty boring." Honda said, coming out of nowhere.  
  
"No, it's quite amusing."  
  
"What is, Seto?"  
  
"Since when do you call people by their first names?"  
  
"It's an American thing!" he chirped. (A/N: Yep, Americans go by first names!)  
  
"Oh."  
  
"What's so amusing then?" Honda asked again.  
  
"Them. The way they flirt."  
  
"Who?" Honda asked.  
  
Oh, this was rich. He doesn't realize the two are flirting.  
  
"Why, Jou and Otogi, of course. Though, the inu's botching it up."  
  
"What do you mean 'flirting?'" Honda asked.  
  
I stepped closer to him.  
  
"Jou and Otogi are flirting with you. But I have a way we can both win."  
  
"Both? Win?"  
  
"Of course. I want Jou. And Otogi and Jou want you. And I can tell you wouldn't mind being in a yaoi couple."  
  
"I'm not following."  
  
"I'll take Jou off your hands, and you can have Otogi. I'll offer to take everyone to lunch. All you have to do is sit next to Otogi, and I'll sit next to Jou. Then, things can just play out according to Mother Nature."  
  
"Actually, isn't it more like 'according to the author'?" Honda asked.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
RKG: This was fun to write.  
  
YKG: Wowie, yaoi! 


	3. Tight Leather Pants & a Convenient Red L...

RKG: I'm on a roll.  
  
YKG: Procrastinating comes easily I guess....  
  
RKG: I don't own a thing except the plot.  
  
No One Loves Me  
  
Chapter Three Tight Leather Pants & a Convenient Red Lobster (This Chapter is dedicated to Hioga-chan b/c she loves tight leather pants.)  
  
Yami POV  
  
I snuck into the kitchen. After making out with Yugi for a bit . . . okay, like ten minutes but not long enough . . . Jou and Otogi walked in.  
  
"Stop making the moves on my best friend!" Jou hissed.  
  
Oh, a love shape appears.  
  
"You abandoned him. And now he is obviously gay which is what I've been waiting for. I've wanted him longer than . . . well, since I moved into town. YOU only want him for his looks." Otogi hissed back.  
  
"How do you know?!" Jou growled.  
  
Come on. Why the kitchen?  
  
"I guess it comes down to Honda's decision really. I always thought Kaiba had a thing for you." Otogi said.  
  
Otogi should be a politician.  
  
"Huh . . . what the . . . no?" Jou said, trying to find the right words.  
  
And the winner is . . .  
  
"Hey, Yugi, do you even have Sprite Remix, because I could just run to the store for you?" Honda said poking his head in.  
  
Jou and Otogi sweat dropped and moved to the side.  
  
"Yeah, I just . . . got sidetracked." Yugi said, blushing and trying to cover several large, reddish, 'love bites.'  
  
"OH, I see, Yug. I've got it covered." Honda said.  
  
He walked in and began looking in the fridge, bending over to do so. I know I stared; I didn't know I was drooling though.  
  
"Don't you keep soda in the fridge?" Honda asked turning around.  
  
"Uh . . . no . . . we always just put ice in it." Yugi replied, blushing a higher shade of red. Oh, so innocent Yugi stared. Oh, well, I did too so I'm not too offended.  
  
"Hm. . . Do you need me to go get some?" Honda asked again.  
  
"Um. . . yes. I think so." Yugi said.  
  
"Okay, I'll just take a quick trip on the bike. Otogi, want to come?" Honda offered.  
  
"If it's no trouble for you." Otogi agreed.  
  
"I think it just might be fun." Honda . . . purred?  
  
"Oh, yes," Otogi muttered.  
  
The 'couple' headed out, Honda smoothly wrapping an arm around Otogi's waist.  
  
"Whore," Jou said.  
  
"Hey, that's not nice." Yugi cried.  
  
"Kaiba must have interfered. I'm gonna give him his daily dose of butt kicking."  
  
"We'll see who gets his butt kicked," muttered Ryou, coming in on the back of a shirtless Bakura. (A/N: Allow a moment of imagination and pervertedness and drooling. . . there we go.)  
  
"Ryou, when did you become so . . . masculine?" Jou asked.  
  
"I'm dominant," was all he said, before he began devouring his other half's neck. So I nibbled on Yugi's neck too. Jou left quickly.  
  
Kaiba POV  
  
I set myself up for Jou's entrance. Honda and I had quickly planned it out. I, wearing tight leather pants, unbuttoned like the first five or six buttons on my shirt and was sprawled on the couch with one leg on the back of the couch and the other on the floor. I pretended to be sleeping.  
  
"How could he do this to me? It must be Kaiba! Kaiba!" Jou yelled.  
  
"Stop yelling," Malik called through his make out session with Marik.  
  
"Katsuya . . . you're looking good as usual." I remarked.  
  
"Ka-Kaiba. . . move over," Jou said, stumbling on his words.  
  
This was going well.  
  
"Only if you sit with me," I remarked seductively.  
  
"You feelin' okay?" =?-?=  
  
I rolled my eyes and moved so Jou could sit down. Once he settled down, I put an arm around his waist and pulled him closer.  
  
"Wh-what are you d-doing?" he asked, nervously.  
  
"Loud, boisterous, Katsuya," I whispered in his ear so my mouth grazed the skin, "suddenly so shy."  
  
I finished the statement with a lick around the shell of his ear.  
  
"Y-you've lost y-your mind," he said.  
  
I climbed on him so I was straddling his hips.  
  
"I don't think so." I said, my lips hovering less than an inch from his. "But I'm going to make you lose yours. Aren't I so very close? I've waited for so long, Katsuya. But I think you'll be the one to cave in and come get my lips."  
  
Take the bait. Take the bait.  
  
"Ge-get off of m-me," he said.  
  
"I can wait forever. Besides, I kinda like this spot." I accentuated this with a roll of my hips.  
  
(A/N: This is so weird. Yaoi is . . . awkward to write. But fun.)  
  
"I'm not . . ." Jou tried to say something but he just caved and tried to grab my lips with his.  
  
"Not so fast," I said, rolling my hips again to get his attention.  
  
"Is this your first kiss?" I asked, curiously.  
  
"Sh-shut up," he moaned.  
  
"Is it? Tell me and you'll get a nice little reward." I teased, running my tongue over my lips.  
  
"Y-yes." Jou moaned. He then went after my lips. I forced mine on his and prodded his mouth open with my tongue. I could hear him moaning. God, was I getting horny.  
  
Honda POV  
  
I grabbed Otogi by the waist. Kaiba said to aim lower but I'm just not . . . dominant. Okay, laugh, go ahead.  
  
"Thanks for inviting me Honda." Otogi said as we descended into the closed and dark shop.  
  
"No problem. I thought you might enjoy a ride on my bike." Honda said.  
  
"Hon', there's something I have to tell you." Otogi said.  
  
"Can I go first?" I asked.  
  
"I'll be quick." Otogi said. "I've known this for awhile but I was too scared to tell you. I'm in love with you. Obsessed if you will. I know your entire school schedule, locker combos, I've even taken pics from the gym locker rooms. BUT I'M NOT A STALKER, I SWEAR!"  
  
"I love you too." I said.  
  
"I hope you're not too upset, though I did plan to change my name and addr—You love me too?!" Otogi said.  
  
"Shut up and kiss me." I said, now grabbing his ass and pulling him in for a wet, sloppy kiss with open tongues.  
  
One HOUR later. . .  
  
Normal POV  
  
"We have the Sprite Remix!" Honda said, thundering up the stairs in front of his new boyfriend, who didn't happen to mind the view, and Honda took the SR (A/N: For the dunces who are gonna ask, SR is Sprite Remix.)  
  
"Now that you're back," Yugi chirped, "We can head to Red Lobster."  
  
"Geez, thanks," Otogi remarked.  
  
"We were just waiting for you. It's Seto's treat," Jou said.  
  
"Seto?" Otogi said.  
  
Otogi POV  
  
Jou seems to be on Seto's lap. A few reddish marks on his neck. Jou gives new meaning to the word 'lapdog.'  
  
"So, I take it you two kept yourselves . . . entertained?" said Ryou, looking at me.  
  
"We took a small detour. But anyway, Honda's gonna have a glass of his 'Sprite Remix' before we go. I know. Even in a make out sessions, he brings it up." I replied.  
  
"I heard that!" Honda yelled from the kitchen.  
  
"Bakura once made us stop making out to watch a soap opera." (A/N: See 'I Got Hit By a Car' to learn more.) Ryou said.  
  
"Ryou once made us stop because it was his bedtime." Bakura muttered, as Ryou, who wrapped around his yami in an armchair, blushed.  
  
"Well, what time was it?" Yugi asked.  
  
"It was eight. He knew it was his bedtime because 'Teletubbies' was over." Bakura snickered.  
  
"You promised not to say anything about it!" Ryou cried.  
  
"And you said to keep the soap opera a secret! So we're even." Bakura said.  
  
"I guess you're right. Can I be dominant tonight?"  
  
"No."  
  
"I'll tell them abo—"  
  
"Of course, my lovable hikari."  
  
Honda finally returned with a thermos of . . . SR.  
  
"Hiroto," I cried. "We're going to a restaurant."  
  
"I want my Sprite Remix, and I want it now!" Honda commanded.  
  
I rolled my eyes.  
  
"Hey," I said, realizing no inappropriate noises, remarks, or sights, "where did the Ishtar's go?"  
  
"Home. They couldn't wait for dinner." Jou explained.  
  
"I can. And for dessert. . . I'm having a little Jounouchi." Seto teased, knowing the blond would blush. And he did.  
  
"Let's go. What restaurant?" Honda asked. Honestly, he's adorable.  
  
"Red Lobster, conveniently located around the corner from my mansion and Seto's," I said. Convenient, huh?  
  
"You own a house?" Honda asked, tilting his head to the side. CUTE!  
  
"Yep, I'm an orphan." I said, trying to sound independent.  
  
"You must get lonely. Do you want me to stay the night?" Honda asked.  
  
Oh, yeah! I have a few dirty ideas in mind. Okay, maybe more than a few.  
  
"That seems nice. Would your parents mind?" I asked.  
  
"Oh no!" Honda cried. "Phone!"  
  
He had an American cell phone. Pink with black bunnies. I raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Moshi, moshi. Is mom there? —I'm home. I went to Yugi's. —No they're not more important than my family. —Yes, I know that she's home. --Mom, I have to tell you someth—Oh, I got a phone in America. —Mom, I've got something to tell you. —Who's in the background? —I'm not hurt. —No, I didn't drink. —Mom, you might want to sit down."  
  
Honda POV  
  
I could hear scuffling in the background. Mom kept pausing me to yell at Dad.  
  
"Mom, I have to tell you something!" I cried.  
  
"Hang on, your father's burning the casserole!" Mom replied.  
  
"Mom, it can't wait." I said, nearly in tears.  
  
"Okay, I'm listening."  
  
"Mom, I've got a boyfriend now."  
  
There was a loud thunk and some yelling in the background. Suddenly, Mom was on the phone.  
  
"I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT! YOU'RE A STRAIGHT YOUNG MAN. GET YOURSELF IN THIS HOUSE ASAP BEFORE I HAVE A CONNIPTION. YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M HAVING A CONNIPTION. HOW DARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU LYING TO ME?!"  
  
"Mom, I'm not lying. His name's Otogi."  
  
"OTOGI? WELL, YOU CAN JUST TELL HIM IT'S OVER IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN A MEMBER OF THIS FAMILY! GO ON TELL HIM. YOU ARE A STRAIGHT YOUNG MAN. YOU HAVE TO BE!"  
  
"Mom, don't be mad. It's just the way I am."  
  
"MAD! I'M OUTRAGED! I'VE SEEN YOU FLIRT WITH THAT BOY'S SISTER PLENTY OF TIMES! HOW COME YOU'RE LYING TO ME!"  
  
"I'm not. Mom, please. Don't be upset."  
  
Otogi was rubbing my back soothingly. Suddenly, he grabbed lower and I dropped the phone. He made a swift move and caught it before it hit the floor.  
  
Otogi POV  
  
"Hello, Mrs. Honda. I'm Ryuji Otogi."  
  
"YOU LITTLE----! (A/N: For decency's sake, that will be blipped out.) LISTEN, YOU LEAVE MY BOY ALONE!"  
  
"I head the division of Industrial Illusions that manufactures Dungeon Dice Monsters. I have millions of dollars. He loves me, and I'll protect him if it takes every cent. I can give him a home, food, and love. More than I can say for you. Thanks for your time. I'm heading out my koibito. Love ya, bye!"  
  
Honda stared somewhat open mouthed. I could live with it.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
Young couples. Adorable. Sickening, really. Absolutely.  
  
Finally, we headed to Red Lobster. I sat next to Ryou. To his left, me, to his right, sat Yugi who was leaning his head on Yami who was discussing tight leather pants with Seto who was being petted by Jou who was also catching up with Honda who was next to Otogi who was on my other side. Round table.  
  
We ordered fairly quickly. The rest of the evening flew by. I was reliving some of the finer times with Ryou. Yes, time sure flew, and the next thing I knew, I was sleeping next to Ryou.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
RKG: Just the epilogue now.  
  
YKG: Our first completed fic! Oh, and the anime dating game too. 


	4. Epilogue One

YKG: Epilogues are the hardest.  
  
RKG: You have to tie up all the loose ends.  
  
To Hioga-Chan: Aw, I hoped you would appreciate the dedication! Just kidding. But thanks anyways for the review.  
  
No One Loves  
  
Epilogue Well, Maybe SOMEONE Loves Me  
  
Honda POV  
  
I woke up under Otogi. Really, looks can be deceiving. He was crushing me. I went to push him off of me. Unluckily he doesn't get up before noon if not the school year, so he tightened his grip on me.  
  
"Ryuji? C'mon, let me up. I'm gonna make breakfast." I said.  
  
"But it's our anniversary. Let's sleep in," Ryuji mumbled through his sleepy state.   
  
"Ryuji, it's two p.m.!" I exclaimed.  
  
"All right," he said, releasing me.  
  
"I'm gonna make you a nice breakfast, okay?"  
  
"Okay, but remember dinner's at seven!" he exclaimed, before rolling over and falling back to sleep.  
  
I smiled. His hair was a mess. He was gonna have a conniption fit. He sometimes wore his hair in braids at night to keep his hair from getting messy. But that was okay.  
  
I got out of bed and dressed for the day. I put on my leather pants with the dragon and a silk button-down shirt with the first four undone. I brushed my hiar and went to the HUGE kitchen. Emphasis on Huge if you couldn't tell.   
  
I called Yugi. I wanted to see who was actually coming to the dinner we had planned.  
  
"Moshi, moshi?" said a voice.  
  
"Moshi, moshi. Is this Yugi?" I replied  
  
"Nope. I'm Yami. Yugi's still sleeping; I kept him up late last night."  
  
"Thank you for those mental images. Um, can you have him call me back? I have to talk to him." I said.  
  
"Can you tell me?"  
  
"Uh . . . no. It's about . . . uh . . . Jou."  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
"NO. But I have to talk to YUGI."  
  
"I'll have him call you b—Oh, wait. He's up." Yami said. There was a shuffling noise, some talk, wet, kissy noises, and then . . . "Hello?"  
  
"Yugi. It's me. Honda."  
  
"What's up with Jou?"  
  
"I made that up. Are you coming to dinner tonight?"  
  
"At the Red Lobster?"  
  
"That's the one."  
  
"Yeah. It's a surprise for Yami. Thanks for keeping it secret."  
  
"No problem. I have to call Jou."  
  
"Okay. Want me to call anyone?"  
  
"I'd prefer to do it myself. No offense or anything."  
  
"Of course. I'm really sore anyway so--"  
  
"Okay. Bye."  
  
I hung up. Those two wouldn't do anything in public but they sure talked. I dialed the Kaiba Mansion next.  
  
"Hello. You have reached the Kaiba residence; Jounouchi Katsuya speaking. How may I help you?" Jou's voice came over the phone.  
  
"Hey, Katsuya. You make a great answering service." I laughed.  
  
"Honda! Yeah! Actually, Seto wrote it down and taped a copy next to each of the phones." He replied.  
  
"He's got you whipped."  
  
"In more ways than one."  
  
"AGH! Is this Tell-Honda-What-Kinda-Stuff-You-Do-In-Bed Day?" I cried.  
  
"What's going on?" asked Otogi, coming downstairs. He had on some shorts but other than that . . .  
  
"If you really wanna know, we had great se—"  
  
"Are you coming to dinner tonight?"  
  
"Wouldn't miss it buddy."  
  
"Thanks. Hey, is Seto awake?" I asked.  
  
"He gets up at five in the morning! And usually wakes me up too! But we have some more fun and I fall back asleep."  
  
"Otogi just fell asleep in the doorway!"  
  
And there he was slumped against the door.  
  
"I've gotta go. Last time, he ended up setting the house on fire."  
  
"That's hilarious!" Jou laughed.   
  
"He cried for weeks over singing his bangs!" I yelled.  
  
"I didn't cry!" Otogi yelled, startled awake.  
  
"See you at seven, Honda." Jou said. Then, he hung up.  
  
"Yes, you did." I teased, leaning towards him for a kiss. He backed away.  
  
"I didn't cry. There was lots of soot from the fire and it got in my eyes."  
  
"My bad. I just assumed you burst into random tears after looking in a mirror." I teased.  
  
"Finish your calls. Hey, do you want some cereal?" he said.  
  
"Yeah." I said, dialing the Bakura residence.  
  
"Hello?" asked a timid British voice.  
  
"Hey, Ryou."  
  
"He's in the shower." Said Bakura.  
  
"Oh. Are you sure?" I asked. 

"I was just in there with him." Bakura said. "He and I are doing a poll to see how many people think I'm Ryou. If I win, we're gonna buy some chocolate, whipped cream, and strawberries and--" 

"Agh! Stop it! I officially hate you people. Not really but. . . . Well, are you guys coming to the dinner?"  
  
Otogi brought over the cereal and put it on the kitchen counter. He put his arms around my waist and put his chin on my shoulder.  
  
"Hang on."  
  
There was some yelling in the background. While I listened, Otogi began sucking on my neck.  
  
"Would you stop?" I asked.  
  
"When you've finished your calls." Otogi replied.  
  
"Ryou says, 'Yep. Hey Bakura! Stop looking!' Those were his exact words." Bakura replied (I bet he was smirking.)

Bakura POV

I smirked.

Honda POV

"That's great. I have to call Marik. Bye." I hung up quickly.   
  
I dialed the Ishtar house. I got the answering machine. Listen to their classy message.  
  
Malik: Hey. You've reached my house. Unfortunately, I'm either out— 

Marik: Doing kinky stuff with me— 

Malik: Or we're upstairs— 

Marik: Doing kinky stuff together— 

Malik: Possibly, we can't reach it— 

Marik: Because we're doing— 

Malik: Would you stop that?! 

Marik: You know you like it. 

Malik: We can't reach it or we can't hear the phone— 

Marik: Because Malik screams if you—

Malik: Shut up and leave a mess—  
  
Of course, it conveniently cut off there.  
  
"I know you're home Malik!" I screamed.  
  
"Hello?" said a sleepy voice.  
  
"Malik?"  
  
"Honda?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Hello!" Malik chirped, ADHD finally kicking in.  
  
"Uh, hi. Are you coming to dinner?" I asked.  
  
"Yep, yep. Guess what?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Guess, Honda-kun."  
  
"You got thrown out of Wal-Mart again?"  
  
"That was last week, silly. I stole a camera that's waterproof! I can watch Marik in the shower."  
  
"I have to go! Bye." I said, slamming the phone on the hook.  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"You don't want to know."  
  
Otogi left it there, choosing instead to devour my lips.  
  
Later at the Convenient Red Lobster   
  
TO BE CONTINUED . . .  
  
RKG: Now, what kind of author would I be to complete the epilogue in one go? Gotta draw it out. Nice and slow kinda like having s—  
  
YKG: You would be a good author. Let's leave it there.  
  
RKG: There's a convenient little button, and someone in the kitchen with Dinah! Someone's in the kitchen, I knoow! Oh, wait that's Otogi and Honda! 


	5. The Verdict is In Sorry, it's really the...

RKG: We are finally finishing this off so we can work on other stuff.  
  
YKG: Like finishing Price of Pride so we can work more on Um, Yes? And not to mention The Society, and also we have to finish I Got Hit By a Car. There's also the fact I still have several fics of Yami Chibi Hikari's.  
  
RKG: Not to mention that I have four-hour drama rehearsals every day.  
  
YKG: Two projects for school.  
  
RKG: And I haven't been sleeping well lately.  
  
YKG: Also figure in being sick 4/30/04, which was a Friday, so I missed school.  
  
RKG: That's ever so depressing.  
  
YKG: I'm dead. Nothing is more depressing than that.  
  
RKG: Thanks for the vote of confidence.  
  
YKG: Anytime.  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh! During Duelist Kingdom, Yami would wear pants that don't connect to his shoes. And Ryou would wear non-yuppie-ish clothes and Honda wouldn't have pointy hair. And there'd be an ever-so- convenient Red Lobster in every town of Japan. And all males would wear tight leather pants as long as they're in the Yugi gang. Black tight leather pants, which Hioga is just fascinated by.  
  
Epilogue 2 Why is it called Yu-Gi-Oh! If his name is Yugi?  
  
(A/N: I get that a lot.)  
  
Marik POV  
  
"Hey, Malik?" I ask as we enter the Red Lobster (most likely last because Malik couldn't find his midriff or whatever its called).  
  
"I love you. Yes, I do." He is whispering to his shirt while stroking it. It would be disturbing but after what happened with his blanket 'Cuddlebuffins' I can handle it. "What?"  
  
"Could I nick . . . I mean, look at the lobsters in the tank? Can I? Please?" I beg.  
  
"The shirt says no. Hey, they're all here," Malik says pointing at the large circular table with all the rest of the couples there. "How could we be last?"  
  
"Hey, guys!" call Honda. I noticed he got his ears pierced and had bloody daggers hanging from them. (Okay, so the blood was really paint. If you squint, you can pretend it's real. Oh, stop looking at me like that!)  
  
"Great, now we can order! I'm sta'ved!" cried Jou.  
  
"You ate only an hour ago!" Seto replied.  
  
"Oh, man, that's longer than I thought!" Jou moaned.  
  
Anyway, we walked over and sat down, next to each other of course, between Jou and Honda. I was sitting across from Yami. Joy. (Please note sarcasm.)  
  
Is his hair natural? I mean, really, who has three different hair colors all of which manages to stand straight in the air like a giant star? I mean sure, my hair sticks straight up naturally but that's because the sheer amount of evil I exert is enough to make my hair stand straight up. He, however, is just arrogant. Wait, what if . . . Yami wasn't human? Maybe, just maybe, he's a mutant. Or . . . now I have it . . .  
  
"YOU'RE AN ALIEN!" I screamed.  
  
The restaurant goes really quiet. Then, everyone except our table says "Check, please!"  
  
I stare at Yami pointedly. He looks unnerved to say the least.  
  
"I can't be an alien. What country would be governed by an alien?" Yami replies.  
  
"If you were pharaoh in Egypt, obviously, it's Egypt." I reply staring at him. The great thing is I know I look scary. I have big pupiless eyes and I can stare for a long time without blinking. And even if Yami's not scared, Yugi is. It's perfect.  
  
"Yami, he's scaring me!" Yugi cried.  
  
Malik POV  
  
I turned to see Marik staring down Yami. I heard Yugi's statement.  
  
"Marik, stop it." I said, returning to my previous conversation with Jou and Seto. "So, you think I really do have a problem?"  
  
"You have a fetish for inanimate objects, Malik." Seto replied.  
  
"It's cute when you're six. After that," Jou shuddered, "it's creepy."  
  
"But, what can I do? I get lonely easily." I replied, eyes full of tears.  
  
"You live with Marik. How is that possible?" Ryou said, leaning around Seto.  
  
"Have you been listening?" I asked.  
  
"It's quite fascinating; I really like the part about 'Cuddlebuffins,'" Bakura replied.  
  
"Well, Marik sleeps a lot. And he has a 'garden'." I said. "He spends hours in it."  
  
"Marik has a garden?" asked Honda, suddenly announcing he was listening.  
  
"Well, technically it's a sandbox," I explained. "And when I said 'Marik, that was mine was I three years old' he got embarrassed. Only little kids play in the sand you see. So he took a handful of grass, stuck it upright in the sand and called it a garden."  
  
The table was laughing. I thought it was funny, but I didn't want Marik to feel too bad. Luckily, he wasn't there. . . Why me?  
  
I spotted him leering at the lobster tank. Who does that? Only Marik. I began playing eith my shirt. It's a calming force. I'm sure you have complexes too. So I get to the tank to hear: "My, my. I'm in love with that one. Or is it that one? No, no it's that one. I'll name it . . . Alison Krauss after that wonderful bluegrass singer." (A/N: Don't own her. Or her songs. Hence, they're her songs.)  
  
"Marik, I thought I said no to the lobsters," I cried in exasperation.  
  
"I wasn't going to steal it. . . I was making its acquaintance . . . before I ki—eat it."  
  
"You're sleeping on the couch tonight." I informed him.  
  
"Fine. Bye, Alison, keep in touch." He said, sniffling.  
  
I dragged him back to the table.  
  
Honda POV  
  
Those two get weirder and weirder. So, finally, after everyone else had left except our table, this waitress comes over. And boy, was she weird. She had her hair died bubblegum pink with splotches of purple. Her shirt had a giant lobster destroying a city like Godzilla. She was kinda. . . short and round. She was pretty nice even if she had pants with one leg covered in red plaid and the other being orange with yellow butterflies on it.  
  
"Hello, I'm . . . (dramatic pause) . . . Lady Ederessa Moncouvia Nealana the Fourth and a half. But call me Kim." She announced like a cheerleader. "Can I take your order?"  
  
"Can we start with drinks?" Otogi asked, obviously annoyued. "And a new waitress?"  
  
I elbowed him. "That was a joke. Do you have Sprite Remix?"  
  
Yes, I still have my OCD.  
  
Otogi POV  
  
Yes. . . he still has his OCD. Likely, I'm a billionaire and can afford all his Sprite Remix. Geez.  
  
"Yes," said Kim. "And you, dice boy?"  
  
She did not just say that.  
  
"Dice boy?!" I screamed, standing up. "I want to see the MANAGER! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME NAMES?!"  
  
"Ryuji, please, calm down!" Honda hissed.  
  
"DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO I AM? HOW DARE YOU RUIN MY ANNIVERSARY?!" I screamed, now turning red.  
  
"Is there a problem?" asked a man. He had coming running in from the kitchen. He was short (but taller than Yugi) and squat, going bald. He attempted to hide it with the comb-over look but you could still tell. He had a nameplate. 'Ichigaki Ryu.'  
  
"Are you the manager?" I demanded.  
  
"Yes, sir. Ichigaki Ryu. What seems to be the problem?" asked the man.  
  
"This. . . woman. . . called me 'dice boy.' I am not only insulted but offended. Do you know who I am?" I asked, sweetly.  
  
"No, sir. I'm an American. Just got here a few days ago."  
  
"Then, why is your name Japanese?" Honda asked.  
  
"My parents are Japanese. So, sir, who are you?" the manager tried.  
  
"My name is Otogi Ryuji. I own Dungeon Dice Monsters. I am one of the two teenage billionaires of Domino." I informed him proudly.  
  
"I am Seto Kaiba, the other teenage billionaire." Seto stated.  
  
"Sirs," the manager squeaked, "I am ever so sorry my daughter mistreated you. Dinner is free. I'll have a new waitress come out."  
  
"Your daughter?!" asked Honda incredulously.  
  
"Yes, sir." The manager said.  
  
"Thank you, for your understanding." Otogi said, sitting down.  
  
"Sue!" The manager called. "Table Nine, ASAP."  
  
The father and daughter left. A new girl, normally dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt took our orders.  
  
Ryou POV  
  
I'm hungry. All this excitement has made me hungry.  
  
I love Bakura. He smells nice.  
  
I really don't have much to say. I'm not really talking. Just sitting here, leaning on Bakura's shoulder. He has arm around my shoulders.  
  
Being hungry makes me tired.  
  
Bakura POV  
  
How did I get stuck next to the pharaoh? Huh? Why?  
  
Ryou suddenly nuzzles into my shoulder. How cute! I mean, uh. . . . Oh, never mind. Just don't tell him I thought that.  
  
He lets out a sigh.  
  
"Tired?" I asked. We had a very busy day doing. . . stuff.  
  
"And hungry," Ryou supplied. He decided he was bored so he began making circles on my thigh.  
  
"I love you," I said to him. Which I did very rarely.  
  
"I love you too." He said, granting me a peck on the lips.  
  
Yami POV  
  
Could they hold off for two seconds? How dare they do that in front of me, the pharaoh?  
  
Giggle. I think its cute. Did you like my surprise? Yugi thought back.  
  
I loved it.  
  
Yugi POV  
  
"I love you," I said aloud.  
  
Then, Sue came back with the drinks.  
  
"Sprite Remix goes to you," she said, handing it to Honda.  
  
And so on and so forth. Then, she gave me the last. In a kiddie cup.  
  
"Excuse me," I said, "I'm seventeen."  
  
"You don't look seventeen."  
  
I got out my ID. She took a double take.  
  
"Yugi Mutou?! Why, aren't you that dueling champion?" She exclaimed. "I have a cousin who duels!"  
  
"Oh, really." I said, faking interest. "What's his name?"  
  
"Her name is Mai, Mai Valentine." Sue replied.  
  
"Good old, Mai," Jou spoke up. "How is she?"  
  
"Not very good. She's seems lonely again. Once the tournaments stopped, she fell into depression."  
  
"Do you have her phone number? I lost it," Jou cried.  
  
"Who are you?" she asked.  
  
"Jounouchi Katsuya." He answered.  
  
Jounouchi POV  
  
Oh, man. Mai was like my best friend after Battle City. (A/N: I don't know what really happens after Battle City so. . . go with it.)  
  
"She said something aobut you. 'Always switching friends' or whatnot."  
  
"I do not."  
  
"Yeah, you do," Honda said, somewhat pointedly.  
  
Oh. I guess I do. But, I can't trust anyone fully. Habit I picked up off the streets. Honda kinda gets it.  
  
"Hey, we're best buds," I replied. "You know that."  
  
"Yeah. Besides you won't leave me alone," Honda teased.  
  
"I'm gonna hit you afta suppa," I replied.  
  
Seto POV  
  
"You'll be busy with me, Jou," I said.  
  
"Seto, innocent ears," Jou replied, pointing at Yugi.  
  
"He's not as innocent as you may think," Yami said.  
  
"That's more than I ever wanted to know," Bakura said.  
  
"And whose fault is that, YAMI?" asked malik.  
  
"Hey, Yami starts with Yam," Marik stated.  
  
"The great thing about hanging with you guys is the fact you amek me feel smarter," Otogi commented.  
  
"The great thing is. . . I am smarter," I said.  
  
"All because my eyes are five times bigger than normal," sighed Yugi.  
  
And then dinner arrived.  
  
Normal POV  
  
The screen blacked out once and then flashed in white letters : THE END.  
  
All ten clapped. Somehow Mokuba had taped it all and called it 'No One Loves Me: The Portrait of My Life.'  
  
Mokuba stood in front of them.  
  
"I would just like to say that my video class appreciated the video as much as I did. The teacher thought it was a tad sketchy but gave me an A. Copies are available for ten bucks. And wait till you see the ones I'm using to blackmail you guys," Mokuba chuckled.  
  
Ten pillows hit Mokuba and knocked him off his feet.  
  
"Okay," Mokuba admitted, standing up, "I don't have blackmail. But I wish I did. Like the time Seto and Jou were singing a duet----"  
  
Jou had tackled Mokuba. Seto stood.  
  
"Show's over. Get out. We need to . . . discipline. . . young Mokuba. In cruel and unusual. . . I mean with tender, loving care."  
  
The other trickled out.  
  
"Hey, Otogi?" Honda said, walking out of the room.  
  
"Yes?" Otogi replied.  
  
"I want a copy."  
  
THE END. . . or is it? It is.  
  
YKG: Done.  
  
RKG: I hoped you liked the ending.  
  
YKG: And remember. . .  
  
RKG: What?  
  
YKG: I forgot.  
  
RKG: And remember always treat brothers with cruel and unusual. . . I mean tender, loving care. 


End file.
